Nano 2017 Lego Thing Part Six
Dunby’s phone rang, and he flew off the desk where he had been sleeping. His right hand flipped around and his hat fell out of the socket on his head. “Blast! Not again!,” he yelled. “Why does this phone always ring? Haven’t I told everyone not to call me while I’m at work?”
He grabbed his hat off the floor, rotated his hand back into place, and popped the hat back on his head. “Can’t be the police chief without my hat! Now if only I could get the Creators to give me some hair.” He walked back over to his desk, taking his time, hoping that the phone would stop ringing.
It didn’t stop ringing.
He sighed, and picked up the phone. “This is Chief Dunby, and no, I don’t want to buy anything from you…unless it’s donuts. If it’s donuts I’m interested, all other things no!”
“Chief, this is Wilson. Those guys you sent to the airport never came back, so I came down here to investigate. All I found was a pile of parts and a lot of panic!”
“What???,” screamed Dunby into the phone. “Why didn’t you call this in right away over the radio?” He looked down through his large windows to the police department below. “Why is everything just business as usual down here?”
“I think it’s something to do with the compupers,” said Wilson. “Ever since Honey screwed things up, the radio system hasn’t been working.”
“We need to get a repair crew down there right away so we can see what those deputies know,” said Dunby. “Let me think…our best repair tech is Natalia Kowalski!”
“She’s not gonna do it, sir,” said Wilson. “Not after how badly you handled the second Rex Fury case. I don’t think Natalia wants to set foot anywhere *near* the Lego City PD.”
“You may have a point, Wilson,” said Dunby, chewing on a donut. “I bet she’s had a lot of bad things to say about that to everyone else at the hospital, too. Okay then, who do we have through unofficial channels?”
“Sir…you…you want to let black market repair techs touch our deputies’ parts?,” asked Wilson. “Are you sure that’s wise?”
Dunby slammed down his donut and almost popped off his own arm. “We’re running out of time here, Wilson! We’ve got a dignitary on the loose and nothing to show for it!”
Wilson pulled out her cell phone. “Chief, my cell phone is plastic and the screen is just a sticker which doesn’t do anything! With the compupers down, you’re going to have to use the filing cabinets.”
“Fine!,” yelled Dunby. “But I don’t have to like it!” Dunby walked over to the filing cabinet marked Contractors, and pulled out the first file. “Hey, what luck! The first file is a registered master builder. Let’s see…his name is Emmet Brickowski.”
“The famous construction worker?,” asked Wilson. “He starred in that movie about the city.”
“Wait he’s an actor? What movie are you talking about?” Dunby took another big bite of his donut. “And how is it that we’re able to eat plastic food?”
“You didn’t see the Lego Movie?,” asked Wilson. “I don’t know if we can trust Emmet. He’s a nice guy but he’s a little bit…out there I guess?”
“Go find me this Emmet, Wilson, and get our deputies back together before some random adventurer walks off with their parts!”
“This is infuriating,” typed Alex’s friend across his screen.
Alex took a bite of his bagel which he had totally slathered in cream cheese. “What? Which part?”
“All of it!,” wrote Alex’s friend. “In the last part of the story, it seemed like you quickly wrapped everything up by suddenly having Batman kill the villains! And then I thought that was going to be a clever twist that lead the story in a whole new direction.”
“Well,” typed Alex in-between bagel bites, “that’s more or less what I was thinking of doing. I wanted to set up a simple story and then have it get turned on its head almost immediately. I like that sort of thing.”
“Okay great, but why are we getting all this backstory about how the world works and how the deputies got put back together?”
“Oh just you wait!,” said Alex. “I’ve got a whole bunch of other backstory planned that I skipped over too. This is what I get for not being a planner. I sometimes forget to fill in the little details that make a story interesting, even if it’s just a weird fanfiction thing. And *that* usually happens because I haven’t actually thought up those details when I’m writing the scenes that require them.”
“I don’t know if I can keep reading this unless I find out what happened with Catwoman and Sauron!”
“So be it!”
Batman pressed the button to open the cockpit of the Batmobile, and flipped out and landed in what he imagined was a pretty cool way.
“Oh yes. Batman saves the day again. I got you Catwoman and also weird helmet guy I’ve never seen before.”
Sauron’s helmet bubbled to life with bright energy, and a booming voice came out of it. “It’ll take more than a simple car to defeat me, I’m—“
“Hold the phone there helmet buddy,” said Batman. He threw a batarang at Sauron’s helmet, and it clinked off and flew into the pile of rubble. “The Batmobile is much more than a car. Now, then, what to *do* about all of this. I think I’ll take your helmet back and add it to my cool room of defeated villains.”
“I’m not defeated! I am Sauron, and I am much mightier than—“
“Whoa,” said Batman, holding out his claw hand towards Sauron’s helmet. “Sauron? The big bad evil guy from those cool movies? It’s an honor to meet you. That’s so awesome. I mean, except the part where you’re a bad guy. I’m definitely a good guy and I’ve never accidentally hurt anyone or destroyed any random fronts of buildings in my quest for justice. Are you going to keep talking even though you’ve been vanquished?”
“I haven’t been vanquished!,” boomed the voice. “You have no clue what you’re messing with! I—“
“Right, I’m going to need to make sure that the display case for your helmet is sound proof. That’s not a hard problem for Batman to solve at all.” Batman pushed a button on his wrist and started talking into it. “Note to self: make Alfred build a sound proof display case for Sauron’s head.”
A puttering engine noise hummed along in the distance.
“Ah! Finally,” said Batman. “It’s about time!”
The sound got closer and closer, and eventually Lego Robin pulled up to the scene on his motorcycle. His…his Robin-cycle? Does Robin’s motorcycle have a name? I have no idea. I don’t even like Robin outside of the Lego games and the movies. He’s kind of a ridiculous character.
Robin pulled up and leapt off of his bike. Batman was hopping around and admiring his handiwork. Robin took in the whole scene and his face slowly turned into a look of horror. “B…Batman? I came as soon as I could! What’s going on here? Is that Sauron? Is that Catwoman? Did you…what did you do?”
“I saved the day Robin, because I am awesome!,” said Batman. “I was tired of waiting for the story to go anywhere, so first, I stormed into some detective’s office. Then I got some info, because *I* am a detective, and then I used that info to come here and crash into this building. And BAM, villains defeated.”
“Okay, that’s great,” said Robin. “But…but isn’t Catwoman your girlfriend? Maybe she wasn’t being a bad guy?”
“NO, she is not my girlfriend, ROBIN,” said Batman. “What would you know? You’re some weird bird guy. Now, help me take Sauron’s helmet and Catwoman’s parts back to the cave before those cops get here. Oh, and leave Catwoman’s mask behind. I want them to be able to *Solve* the case that was already so expertly handled by me. I’m Batman!”
Robin looked around at the mess of plastic body parts and bricks. “O…okay Batman, I’ll help you. Why are we taking Sauron’s helmet back to the cave?”
“Because,” boomed Sauron’s voice out of the helmet. “You are the fools who are going to help me begin my quest for multi-universe domination.”
“Oh,” said Batman, waving his hand. “Don’t pay any attention to that. It does that sometimes, but I’m going to have Alfred build a cool sound-proof box for it so we won’t hear it happening anymore. Don’t want my guests in the cave to be scared by an evil voice.”
“Your Batman character is kind of a jerk,” said Selena.
“Wh…what?,” said Alex, not prepared for this level of engagement in his daily routine.
“I’ve been reading your story online, and I don’t know…I know Batman is kind of a d-bag, but do you really think he’d abandon his quest for justice just so he could have Sauron’s head in his cave? And I didn’t like that he hurt Catwoman, either.”
Alex looked all around the Beanland. “I think this is real. Am I dreaming? Are you actually asking me this right now?”
Selena nodded. “You’d better believe it. Catwoman was my favorite when I was growing up because we have the same name. Don’t mess up her story. I’ll go get your mocha, now, but I’d better see this story take a positive turn tomorrow, or else! I could move that corner table of yours over by one of the outlets. And then where would you sit?”
“You know me,” said Selena with a blink. “I absolutely would.”