NaNo 2017 Lego Thing Part Fifteen
“Hi! I’m Dave! How’s your morning going so far?”
This lengthy greeting threw Alex off. He looked up from his phone. “Wh…what?”
“My name is Dave, and I’ll be your barista today!”
Alex looked around. It still *looked* like the Beanland. “Did I walk into the wrong store? Where’s Selena?”
“Nah, you’re in Beanland good buddy! What can I get started for you?”
“Uh,” stammered Alex. “Just a regular mocha. Is Selena coming back? I like…I like not talking when I come in here.”
“Hah, where’s the fun in that?,” grinned Dave. “Selena’s out sick, good chum, and she called in a favor to have me run the place for a couple of days. I’m her ex boyfriend.”
Alex raised an eyebrow. “Wow, I can’t figure out why she would have split up with *you.*”
“Aw thanks man, that’s very kind of you to say,” mused Dave. “Yeah, things just didn’t work out for us. I’m a musician in a local band, and I used to brew coffee over at the chain across the street. I also do a lot of freelance drone work these days.”
A small line was forming behind Alex, and they were growing increasingly impatient. Alex was desperately trying to extricate himself from the conversation. “F…freelance drone work? What even is that?”
“I write different apps for people to use with their drones,” said Dave with a smile, oblivious to the big line. He still hadn’t rung Alex up or started making the drink. All he’d done was scribble some letters on a cup.
“Soooo,” said Alex. “Can I pay you for this drink?”
“Oh yeah sure thing man!,” said Dave.
He just stood there.
“You uh, you need to ring me up.”
“Oh!,” shouted Dave. “You guys don’t pay with apps here?”
Alex shook his head. “Oh no, Selena doesn’t believe jn them. That’s why there’s a *cash register* right here. Between us. It’s right here.”
“Oh yeah, okay great!,” said Dave. He started to plink the keys on the register screen.
Alex realized that this was going to be a long day.
“Pull yourself together Batman,” said Catwoman. “We have to get after this guy and stop him from getting the last orb!”
“What orbs are you even talking about?,” asked Batman. “Why does everyone keep talking to me about orbs? Didn’t you HEAR? I lost my car!”
Some Lego Robots shaped just like Batman showed up. Each of them had one orb in each hand.
“Hey look, robots!,” shouted Frank Honey. “Cool! You know, I’ve been wondering…how is it that all of these characters are able to hold orbs in their hands? I mean, all of our hands are shaped like weird hook claws, and it would be very hard for me to hold something shaped like an orb.”
“An excellent point!,” shouted Robin.
“Why are the two of you always so excited?,” asked Natalia. “I wish I was this enthused all the time.”
“I largely achieve my splendid attitude by never wearing pants!,” yelled Robin. “It keeps me cool and comfortable! And I can move around like a wriggling cat on caffeine.”
“I had caffeine once,” said Frank Honey. “And then I got arrested!”
“As a master of deductive thinking,” said Lego Sherlock, “I put forward that we need a plan if we are to find the malevolent man in the helmet. We cannot simply stand here discussing orbs and pantaloons.”
“I agree!,” said Ellie. “Okay then, Sherlock and Catwoman? You guys should come with me and Natalia. We’ll send Chase, Frank, and Robin in a different direction. Between the seven of us, it shouldn’t be too hard to find a crazy guy in a helmet, right? Batman, we’re going to need access to a couple of your flying bat vehicles.”
“No need for that,” said Catwoman. “At least, not for me. I can run and jump and swing from things with my whip. I don’t want to ride in one of his stupid things.”
“So be it!,” shouted Sherlock. “The six of us shall seek out the miscreant!”
“And what do I do while you’re all gone?,” asked Batman.
“You uh, you stay here and guard the orbs while being sad about your car,” said Natalia.
“Right! I can do that! Batman is very good at guarding things and being sad.”
“It’s total bedlam here,” typed Alex into his computer. “There’s been long lines all day. Someone else is sitting at my table. I’m right in the center of the room and I’m next to an outlet, and everything is wrong.”
“What’s going on?,” asked Alex’s friend.
“Selena’s not here,” replied Alex.
“That’s that girl who never says anything, right?”
“That’s right!,” typed Alex. “And it turns out, all that time she saved by not saying anything really contributed to the efficiency of this place.”
“What does that have to do with you not getting your usual table?”
“While I was talking to Dave about drones or whatever, someone went over and staked out my table. It’s not even that good of a table. It’s right by the bathrooms and if there’s a line, you’re sitting right in the middle of a bunch of people who really have to go to the bathroom. I don’t even know why anyone else would take it.” Alex looked over at his usual table. “Yup see, and now they’re trying to find a place to plug in their laptop, and there isn’t even one over there!”
“It seems like this Dave guy has really thrown you,” typed Alex’s friend.
“He certainly has!,” typed Alex. “This happens to me every time I meet a Dave.”
“I’m not even joking. Every single Dave in my life has been like this. They always want to talk to me, and share whatever weird freelance project they’re working on. And my coffee isn’t even right. I ordered a mocha, and I’m pretty sure he just made me a regular coffee. I can’t even tell if he’s ever worked in a coffee shop before. I think he might have been lying about that.”
“Why don’t you go to the chain place around the corner?”
“You know what. I never thought I’d say this. But I just might.”
Blackbeard and Lady PB returned to Capn’ Shootsword’s ship. Blackbeard filled everyone in on the scenario while the remaining merchants wondered what they were going to do without their captain over on the other vessel.
“And so,” said Blackbeard. “I be sworn to protect the orb of the sword, and I’ve just lost it to that malfeasant meddler in the helmet. I am going to sail off after him, and I’m not going to rest until I find him. Now who be with me?”
No one raised their hands.
Blackbeard chuckled. “I suppose I should mention, I could grant ye with immortality if ye join me on my quest. Now who is with me?”
Every pirate raised their hand.
“Wait a minute,” said Capn’ Shootsword, lowering his hand. “Since we’re Lego people, aren’t we immortal already as long as no one blasts us to bits?”
Blackbeard walked over to the Captain and leaned in real close. “Nobody likes a loudmouth,” he said, quickly swiping Shootsword’s hat.
“Hey! That’s my hat!”
“Not anymore it’s not!,” said Blackbeard. “I be Captain Blackbeard, and I be takin’ your hat! Now then, let us set sail for adventure, glory, and to reclaim the orb of the sword!”
“Well I did it. I’m at the chain coffee shop. I don’t like it already.” Alex sipped his mocha, and was happy that this one at least had chocolate in it. “My drink is right, sure, but the atmosphere here is all off. It’s *themed* around the holidays, and there’s lots of people milling about just looking cool. And there are outlets *everywhere.*”
“What’s wrong with that?,” typed Alex’s friend. “Now you don’t have to worry about whether you’re taking up an Outlet Table or not, and everyone can plug their stuff in, if they want to.”
“But it’s all wrong!,” said Alex. “How am I supposed to watch people fight over an absurdly tiny number of outlets and be weirdly amused by it now?”
“You’re a weird person.”
“Batman stands alone. His vigil is resolute. His view…that only of his forlorn Batcave, once previously the home of his deliciously cool vehicle, the Batmobile. Now, home only to some other far lesser vehicles, and some robots that look just like our silent, ever-watchful hero. He started, captivated, by the various orbs in front of him. Batman, in spite of his tremendous abs, just now realizes that he should have asked someone about what each of these orbs actually *does.* What will happen if Batman suddenly becomes curious, touches one of the orbs, and sets himself on fire? That simply wouldn’t be good for Batman.
“And yet, the temptation to touch one of the orbs remains. They’re quite shiny. But which one to touch? The red one? The blue one? It’s a shame there isn’t one that’s as dark as the night as Batman’s soul. Hmm. Definitely the blue one.”
Batman stepped forward and picked up the Blue Orb, which just so happened to be the Orb of Time.
“He stands, transfixed by the orb and it’s blue….blueness. It calls out to him, like the end of a long winding road. But how does it work? What does it do?”
Batman shook the orb around a little bit. He tried shouting various words at it. But nothing happened.
“Bah, this thing is stupid anyway. Here you go lesser robot version of me, you keep it,” he said, throwing the orb back at the robot.
A bright flash of light emanated from the robot and sent him, along with the other orb he was carrying, flying through the halls of time.
Then it was just Batman and the other robot, standing alone, with only two orbs.
“Okay robot, if anyone asks you when they get back, that whole thing just now *did not happen.*