NaNo 2017 Lego Thing Part Eleven
After many trying days, Emmet finally got the deputies put back together. “Oh hey!,” he shouted to a nearby Chief Dunby, “These are people!”
Dunby shook his head in disgust. “Yes, Emmet, supposed-specialist, they are! What were you expecting them to be???”
“I thought they were going to be deputies,” said Emmet with an earnest grin.
“That’s what they…I don’t know where we find these people,” said Dunby. “Also, why did you waste all that time in the night sleeping? If I hadn’t been assisting you while you were in the corner pretending to doze off, you still wouldn’t be done. And I’m no rebuilding specialist, so the amount of work I had to put in for this was unacceptable!”
“I am once again confused,” said Emmet. “I’m pretty sure I need to sleep every night in order to function as a living human being, that’s what it says in my books at home.”
“You’re *not* a living human being, Emmet, you’re a weird talking piece of Lego plastic. We don’t actually need to sleep!”
Emmet thought about this for a while. “Oohhhhh! This makes so many other earlier parts of my life make sense. I wonder who bought me those books, then? They probably weren’t a very nice person.”
“Chief Dunby?,” asked one of the deputies groggily. “Oh man! How did I get back to the police station?”
“You’re not at the station,” said Dunby. “You’re still at the airport. And they don’t even have a donut shop here. I already asked. Three times.”
“We need to be on the lookout all over the city for a clown with a Space Laser Gun,” said the deputy. “They blasted us and took the lady we were supposed to be picking up!”
“Okay finally, something to go on!”
“Oooh!,” shouted Emmet. “Great! What do I do now?”
“Now you go home,” said Dunby. “And you never talk to me or anyone else about this ever again.”
“Okay, I could do that,” said Emmet. “But it doesn’t sound very fun. I dress like a construction worker every day because I think it’d be cool to work on different job sites. I’m very good at following instructions, like the ones in my books. In fact, sometimes it feels like someone is controlling the inside of my head!”
“Have you ever met a man named Frank Honey? I think you’d like him.”
—
A random customer approached the counter at the Beanland. “Hey Selena, why haven’t you switched to playing Christmas music in here?”
Selena blinked. “All of the music we play here is from local bands.”
“Right, and that’s cool, but why aren’t you playing any music for the holidays?”
Selena blinked pointedly again. “It’s only the middle of November. Also, none of the bands we play have any covers of Christmas songs. So…not really possible.”
“Okay okay, I get that,” said the increasingly irritating man, “but the Starbucks across the street already switched to Christmas music.”
“If you need to hear Christmas music while you drink your favorite hot beverage, you can start going there then.”
“But I like your coffee better.”
Selena blinked. “Then I don’t see what the problem is here. You can either drink my coffee, or find my door. It’s to your left.”
—
Catwoman, Ellie, and Natasha arrived at the Batcave moments after Batman had knocked the orbs out of Sauron’s hands.
That’s a weird sentence, huh?
“How did you guys get in here?,” asked Batman whirling around.
“We came through the giant cave hole that you drive your stupid car out of,” said Catwoman. “It’s big and obvious and dumb. Just like a certain hero I know.”
“But it’s covered with trees and stuff, and depending on the year, sometimes a cool metal door with the Batman logo on it!”
Catwoman rolled her eyes. “Yes, because *that’s* not obvious at all.”
Sauron snapped his fingers and a sword materialized in his hand. “Silence, the lot of you! This stupid man in the bat costume made me lose my very expensive and powerful orbs. They all rolled down to the bottom of this cave. And I need you to help me look for them, or else!”
Ellie pulled out her big gun again. Catwoman stepped forward. “Allow me,” she said, pulling out her whip. She cracked it once and the sword fell out of Sauron’s hand. It went clanking through the metal grates, and slid down to the bottom of the cave just like the orbs did.
“Yay!,” shouted Robin. “Catwoman is so cool!”
“Curses!,” shouted Sauron. He ran over and grabbed Batman by the lapels. “Why, you foolish ab-obsessed man, WHY is your floor not solid in your domicile?”
“Whoa there buddy,” said Batman. He brushed Sauron’s hands away. “Firstly, no one touches Batman.”
“Yeah, you definitely don’t have intimacy issues, right Bruce?,” said Catwoman.
“Batman is choosing to ignore your harsh criticism,” said Batman. “Secondly, the floors are grates because it’s *cool* and that way there can be lights down there that come up through the grates. And then I can pump some fog in here and it looks all mysterious.”
“You know, I guess I can sort of see the point of that,” said Sauron. “I mean, I live inside a giant steaming volcano.”
“Yeah see? It’s cool right?”
“I can feel my brain slowly dying,” said Natalia.
“You want me to blast this obviously fake Batman again?,” asked Ellie.
Sauron saw his opportunity. He waved his hands in the air and they spit out a thick veil of black smoke. It confused and distracted everyone else in the room. He ran over to the Batmobile, and leapt on top of it, spraying some more mystical evil smoke crap into it and taking control of its systems. “Haha! With the power of your vehicle I will quickly find the remaining two orbs! And then I’ll have enough power to destroy you all! No one threatens Sauron!”
Batman blindly threw Batarangs all over the room, but he only managed to hit the walls and graze the top of Robin’s hair.
Sauron leapt into the Batmobile and quickly sped off into the night. He stopped next to Ellie’s car and used the Batmobile’s missiles to blast it to bits. The smoke in the Batcave started to clear as the reverberation of the car explosion shook the walls.
“What was that?,” yelped Robin.
“Probably my cool new car,” said Ellie. “It’s going to take *Weeks* to put that thing back together.”
As the smoke fully cleared, Batman dropped to his knees and his mouth hung wide open. “NOOOOOOO!,” he finally screamed.
Catwoman rolled her eyes. “Oh, what’s your purroblem this time, Bruce?”
“He took my car. No one’s ever taken my car before.”
“That’s completely false!,” shouted Robin in a friendly manner. “Bad guys take your car about once every three months!”
“But this one feels…different somehow. It feels more real. It feels like it’s happening to me…right NOW!”
“Oh my sweet bricks,” said Natalia. “And here I thought Chase and Frank were tough to work with.”
—
The coffee shop suddenly got very busy.
“It’s suddenly very busy in here!,” typed Alex to his internet friend.
“I wonder why?,” they typed back.
“I’m really annoyed at myself for deciding to make all of your writing in italics, but it’s too late to change back now. Anyway, it often gets randomly super busy in here, and I can’t explain it. One second, I’ll be the only person here, and then it’s like everyone in a three block radius was like I NEED COFFEE NOW and then they all show up. It’s not even lunch time here. It’s like, 2:30 in the afternoon.”
“Is it nice outside?,” asked his friend. “Sometimes when the weather is nice here, a whole bunch of people suddenly need to go drink coffee.”
“I don’t know, let me check,” said Alex. He peered over to the window. “From what I can see here, I…guess it looks okay? It’s a little cloudy but it’s not raining. Wow, the line is all the way back to the door? I’m gonna go check it out.”
Alex looked around the room for any special banner or promotion, but there wasn’t anything. There wasn’t a band playing here tonight either. Selena was a whirl of activity, and she had her phone in the crook of her neck, presumably to call in some backup help. Alex wandered over to the big plate glass windows a the front of the store, the line was indeed starting to form around the corner now.
“Huh,” he mused to no one in particular. “Maybe my spot is about to blow up and I’m going to have to find somewhere else to—“
A Lego Batmobile went driving by, with a wildly screaming Sauron clearly at the helm. Alex rubbed his eyes.
“I should probably take a break from writing this story.”
